I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Vodka?
Forever.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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