Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
