i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
