Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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