It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
