Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
