I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
