member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
