I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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