p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
