There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
