After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
