and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
