worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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