WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
