Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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