The maid of honor just puked.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
