I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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