somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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