I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
