I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
