just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
