I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
