Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
