Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
