I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
