Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you inspire me to be a worse person
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
