my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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