I just saw a hot homeless man
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
