Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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