There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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