i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
