just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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