lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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