I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
