i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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