i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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