I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
