He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
