I can tuck mytits in my pants
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
