Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
