i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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