is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
