It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Who died my cat blue again?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
