Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I have aggressive nipples.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
