she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You are the jesus of drinking
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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