I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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