I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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