Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
