Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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