The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
