Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
