Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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