is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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