you turned your livingroom into a bong?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
