You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
