Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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