Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
