she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
