And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
