Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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