My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
