Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
