he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
