why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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