If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
