I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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