i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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