im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
