I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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